During a call with my speech therapist last week, I was asked how well I thought I was progressing since our sessions had begun. I immediately resorted to highlighting all the ways in which I was still struggling to say certain words in specific situations.
(As an aside – My speech therapist has strongly advised me not to use the word “stammer” or “stutter” when referring to my speech struggles as he says that for so long these words have held negative connotations in my mind and have become something my brain has believed to be insurmountable and all-consuming. Therefore, he recommended replacing the words ‘stammer/stutter’ with the features they represent: getting stuck (or experiencing blockages in speech), and repetitions (repeating the first letter of certain words).
In response to my speech therapist’s question, I said something like “although I’ve been doing the speech exercises you’ve given me every day, I still struggle to…” He stopped me at this point and repeated his question, “what do you think has been going WELL since you have begun these sessions?” I paused for a few moments while digging around in my mind for a response: “I guess I’ve seen myself slowing down more now – not just with my speech, but in other areas of life, and feeling calmer and more composed overall.”
After allowing these positive points to linger for no longer than a few seconds, I proceeded to once again tell him about how I was dissatisfied with the fact that I still did not feel confident in certain speaking scenarios. He heard me out before asking “have you heard the story of the fruit fly and honey bee?”
“If a place was filled with 90% rubbish and 10% honey” he said, “the fruit fly would always be inclined to land on the trash, while the honey bee would gravitate towards the honey.” He changed the percentages around till we were at 80% honey and 20% rubbish, and drove home the point that even in this case, the fruit fly would choose to land on the garbage – although lesser in quantity, while the bee would find itself on the honey. His next question was predictable, but convicting all the same – “what kind of mindset do you wish to possess – one that fixates on the negatives – on what is not working, what is yet to be done, or one that acknowledges the good things – what has been done well, and the progress that has been made?“
This analogy brought to light what I already knew to be true – that my second nature involved resorting to focusing on the negatives and brushing aside the positives, zooming in on the imperfections, while minimizing the wins. And I know I’m not alone in this.
Negativity bias is psychology’s explanation for this tendency we have to attribute more attention to negative thoughts, memories, and experiences. Evolutionarily, this would have helped keep our ancestors alive. Now however, negative bias, instead of serving the purposes of protection and survival, lends itself to feeding self-doubt (where we are concerned), and discrimination (where others are concerned). What can we do to fight against this?
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. – 2 Corinthians 10:5
Whenever I remember to refer back to it, this verse from the Bible has helped me keep on top of my tendency for negative thinking. Making every thought obedient to Christ involves assessing the lies we may be believing about ourselves or others against the truths spoken by Christ.
And of course, this may look different for everyone depending on their belief systems. The crucial point here, is countering the negative beliefs and thoughts – where irrational, on the spot. For me, it is with the help of the Bible, for you it may be with the aid of something or someone else.
To end, I have to ask: Is your mindset that of a fruit fly or a honey bee? If fruit fly was your answer, how will you overcome your negativity bias? If you responded with honey bee, share your positivity with others!
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